Lou, What Were You Thinking?

I don't care how cuddily he may seem, how goofy he may be, how many times he may dance with the "Jabawakeez," how many times he may talk in the first person, how many times he pretends he's playing ShaqFu, how many times he yells out, "I am Kazaaaam!," you do not pull a prank on Shaqulle O'Neal. It's just not a smart idea. I guess Lou Amundson didn't get that memo, because he did just that. As excellent as his prank was, it could not possibly be worth the reign of terror that I can only imagine Shaq is about to throw down on Lou. I wouldn't put it past Shaq to come out for practice one day and have on his entire costume from Steel and start shooting shit at Lou with his hammer. That's just how Shaq gets down. He's a goof, and you just have to live with it. Plus, why would you tell anyone that you did this? You have to enjoy it on your own, and that's it. If you're going to pull a prank on Shaq you better get away clean. You leave behind no evidence and you tell no one. But Shaq knows it was you Lou, and you better watch your back. As Shaq himself says, "Payback is a female dog," and you can take that to the bank and cash it Lou, and you better cash it quick and enjoy it because Shaq is soon to retaliate.

Note: I love how Shaq gets all these people to clean his car for him. I can imagine Shaq, upon seeing his car filled with this shit, going, "Ahh hell nah, Shaq don't clean up his own car. Yo, Pepe, clean this shit up for me," and walking away. That's how Shaq rolls.