No Hugs For You!

Apparently there is an epidemic of hugging going around amongst the youths of today. As a form of greeting, today's kids are not merely saying, "hi", shaking hands, or slapping five. Instead, they are giving each other full out hugs. It has gotten so bad that some schools, such as Hillsdale High in NJ (of course NJ) have banned hugging. You may be wondering, well what's so bad about hugging? A lot, that's what. First off, this hugging thing is throwing bullies into a spiral of confusion. Instead of beating up weaklings, they are forced to hug them and it's causing their self-confidence to go through the roof. Who needs that? Bullies should do what they do best: beat up nerds as a form of drawing attention to themselves and their own personal issues. Secondly, all this hugging amongst same sex friends is causing an asexual culture to develop. Don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure that's how gay spreads. Thirdly, it forces the awkward kids who would otherwise receive no physical or emotional effection to get the attention that they so badly long for. This in turn leads to more kids being friends and succeeding, which in turn leads to more competition later in life. If the bottom-feeders would just stay where they belong, on the ground where the bullies put them, society would be much better off.