Todd's Stories #11

One time while I was riding my bike down my old street I decided to try and see if I could keep going straight while my eyes were closed. I ended up crashing into a tree.

The moral of the story is don't ride your bike with your eyes closed.

Bonus Todd's Stories because it's bike related:

Back when I was fat I always felt a sense of accomplishment when I could ride my bike all the way up my driveway without stopping. The driveway was slightly inclined and some what long.

The moral of the story is that fat Todd was in such bad physical condition that overcoming the slight hill that was his driveway was an accompishment.

Answer for First Time/Long Time

First Time/Long Time writes:

Hi Todder. I'm a first time contributer, long time reader . I am currently living in an apartment complex in famous Los Angeles, California. A friend just brought to my attention that apparently Corey Haim is living in one of the apartments here. He has been seen by others hanging out around the hot tub but I myself have yet to see him. What should I do if I run into him? I don't want to blow it. Please help.

First of all, I want to commend you on your commitment to Todder's Playhouse. Although we here at Todder's Playhouse prefer more outgoing and punctual fans, we certainly appreciate any long time readers. Loyalty is a characteristic we greatly admire at the Playhouse and we love to have any readers who have it.

Second of all, I am extremely jealous that you have the oppurtunity to meet Corey Haim. This Corey, along with the other Corey, is one of the most talented and sexy actors in Hollywood, and the chance to meet him would be like a dream come true for me (especially if it was in a hot tub like you alluded to). The only thing better would be to see him embracing longtime friend and fellow Corey, Corey Feldman, but that may be too much to ask.

I'd love to tell you to play it cool and approach him casually, but I know that would be a difficult task. I myself would probably start screaming like a school girl and run over and give him a great big kiss. If you can control your emotions you should probably wait for an appropriate time, such as when he is relaxing in the hot tub in just his bathing suit, and go over and introduce yourself. Say you are his biggest fan and love all of his work (Especially The Double 0 Kid. You loved that). I have a feeling that Haim has a rather large ego and any compliments would draw him right in. Then all you have to do is bask in his glory and all that is Haim.

Your other option of course is to pretend to be the resident drug dealer. As soon as Haim gets word that you're pushing dust he'll be right over. It's a plan that can't fail.

Alt 8521

This post is dedicated to those days back in high school where if you knew any of the alt and number combinations on the keyboard you were considered pretty cool. Although I myself did not know any combos by heart, I certainly did enjoy fooling around with the alt button to find whichever ones I could. Today it's a little bit easier than it used to be, but it's not nearly as fulfilling when you get a good symbol. So if you have any good combos, leave a comment here and perhaps a story to go along with it.

Sincerely,
♥╕τ○ƒ☺♂╟«╬ħ╒

Answer for One of the Bens

One of the Bens writes:

All my sources say you're a Douglas Adams expert. With that said, what say you about a new Douglas Adams book not written by Douglas Adams.
Feel free to not answer this comment and post the news on your own.

First off, your sources are correct, I am a Douglas Adams expert. I even wrote my research/book report thingy in like the 10th grade on Douglas Adams and so I am deeply knowledgeable of all things Douglas Adams and especially The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I have read all five in the series (although the first two are pretty much by far the best), and seeing as how Douglas Adams is now deceased, I was not expecting to be reading any more. However, since apparently his wife commissioned a one Eonis Colfer to write a new book in the series, to be titled "And Another Thing...", it seems as though I may be reading one more.

Second of all, I believe this to be fraudulous on all accounts. Although the last few books in the series did not have the same zest and zeal as the first couple, they still had that Douglas Adams charm that all of his books have. To write a book in another person's series without that persons direct approval is an extremely bold move, and I hope this Colfer fellow knows what he's doing. There will be a lot angry fans out there if this books sucks, including The Bod. Those fans will tear him from limb to limb if this isn't good, and I'll be right their feasting on the remains.

The only good part of this whole escapade is that Colfer seems to be genuinely excited. He says of being offered this oppurtunity that it's, "like suddenly being offered the superpower of your choice". He has also apparently been working on this for a while: "For years I have been finishing this incredible story in my head and now I have the opportunity to do it in the real world. It is a gift from the gods. So, thank you Thor and Odin." How this excitement will translate into written word has yet to be seen, but let's hope it translates well. Cofler better not thank Thor and Odin until this book is done because he's got some big shoes to fill so he better know what he's getting himself in to.

Todd's Stories #10

I stood looking at that diamond yearning for my chance.  No, this was not any regular diamond.  This was a baseball diamond, and I wanted to play.  My thoughts drifted to earlier that day when a simple door had seemingly ruined any chances I had at playing.  The door had closed faster than I expected and the sharp corner sliced through my heel like Bode Miller slicing through moguls of snow, sending blood everywhere and me to the ground.  Oh how it was painful, but not as painful as watching my little league team struggle without me.

So there I stood, on the sideline with little hope of getting in.  I had a plastic bag over my foot to keep it as clean as possible, but every attempt to get my cleats on ended in futile agony.  We were behind in the game but had put a few runs on the board, giving us a chance at coming back.  All I wanted was an opportunity to put us ahead, but it did not seem like that was going to happen.  

I tried one more time to get my cleat on my bloody foot.  All I wanted was to play, that's all I ever wanted.  I long ago learned of the strength of my body and my ability to overcome any pain, and so I still had hope.  My drive to get in the game overcame the pain that rushed to my heal when I got the cleat on my foot, but that was only the first step.  I now had to try to walk around without limping, and eventually run. 

Despite the slow progress I eventually gained enough speed to be noticed by the coach.  Although I was already a very slow child and had been made even slower by my injury, my power with the bat far outweighed the slowness with which I ran.  Because of that my coach came over and asked how I felt.  I told him I was in some pain but I just wanted one at bat, one chance to put another v in the win column.  He told me I would get my chance, and so I patiently waited for my chance to be the hero I have always wanted to be.

The score was now 5-4.  We were down and it was the bottom of the ninth inning.  We had a man on second and third with two outs, and that's when the coach called me in.  My heart was beating faster than ever before, but I knew I could do it.  I had been waiting for this moment all day, and no heel injury was about to ruin it.  So I got up there and stared straight into the pitchers eyes.  He knew he was in trouble.

After a couple of rusty swings, I finally got a pitch to hit and I blasted it into the outfield.  I stumbled to first, and by the time I had done so the victory was already ours.  I had won the game for us, and on a bum foot at that.  I jumped up and down in glee as my teammates came over and hoisted me up onto their shoulders.  It was a day I would never forget: a day of trials and tribulations, but in the end, a day of triumph.

Note: This story is only based partially on truth.  Some details of said Todd's Story have been forgotten, and thus filled in with exaggeration.

The moral of the story is that no injury can hold Todd back.

The Eighth Annual Pickle Day is Almost Here!

This Sunday on Orchard Street in NYC, the eighth annual Pickle Day will be taking place. It is hosted by the New York Food Museum and the Lower East Side Business Improvement District. There will be many new pickle distributors partaking in the days' events, and such pickle greats as the dill, the pickled cucumber, sweet pickles, bread and butter pickles, and garlic pickles will be available to eat. Pickle Day is a day Jews and sandwich connaisseurs alike look forward to all year.

Pickle Day will include all the free pickles you can eat, as well as pickle paraphrenelia (which includes...). There will also be demonstrations on how to can pickles, as well as other demonstration tables. Additionally there will be various forms of entertainment, including Shakespeare in the Park. And don't be ashamed if you ride a bicycle, there will be free bicycle valet all day. The pickled festivities begin at 11 am, but get there early because these go fast.

Mini-Todd's Stories - My brother and sister gave me my first pickle to eat under the false pretense that I would not enjoy the pickle. They foolishly thought I wouldn't like it, but much to their dismay I enjoyed that pickle quite thoroughly. This began my life long love of pickles.

Sports Athletes Aren't the Only Ones that can Make Comebacks

Although such notable greats as Brett Favre and Lance Armstrong are on the comeback trail, the real comeback story lies with a bunch of guys who just wanted to make the world a little safer and a little happier.  That's right, the Ghostbusters are going back at it.  According to Harold Ramis the ghostbusters will be returning as mentors to a new batch of ghostbusters in Ghostbusters 3.  

(No word yet on whether the State Puff Marshmallow Man will be reprising his role as giant, terrorizing marshmallow.)

There are rumors that Judd Apatow will be writing the script, but it has also been said that the writers of The Office will be penning it so I don't want to make any definite claims, but either way some laughs will be had and some ghosts will be busted.  

Rule of Life #7

(I don't know about the elbow part, but other than that, this is how you wash your hands.)



Some people don't wash their hands after they urinate, and you know what, I really don't care. As long as you don't piss all over them it's your call. However, don't pretend to wash your hands by simply running water over your hands. It cleans nothing and it's annoying. For those of you who do do this, I don't know if you want people to think you're clean but don't have the time to use soap or if you just like the feeling of water running on your open hands, but it's pointless. You're hands are no cleaner and you haven't fooled anyone. Either wash your hands with soap, or don't waste your time with just water.


If you take a dump, always wash your hands. That's really gross if you don't.

Answer for one of the bens

One of the bens writes:

When you are playing tennis how important is the style in which you play?

Recently I was playing and an anonymous friend served like a girl but he insisted results over looks. Is this true?

(Don't look like this.)

As a true master of the world of tennis I am the perfect person to field this question. I have long played tennis and I have long been given crap for it. Many people think that tennis is a girly sport and that it is for nerds. For me to overcome such stereotypical and discriminitory beliefs I had to have a style that was all my own and made me look as cool as possible. The style you play with is just as important as your God given gifts on the tennis court, and if you don't look good doing it what's the point in doing it anyway? To be good at tennis you have to be more like Wesley Snipes and less like Woody Harrelson in White Men Can't Jump. You need to have style bursting out of your ass if you want to not be made fun of, and that's exactly what I have. Unfortunately, I can't really tell you the different types of styles there are, you just have to find your own and run with it.

As far as results over looks go I completely disagree with that. You have to look good no matter what you're doing regardless of the result. What if some fly honees are watching. You'd rather look good for them even if it means forfitting a few points. That's just the way the world works. So remember, find your own style and always look good.