Answer for Ryan

Ryan writes:

Your dedication to purchasing CDs has always amazed, confused, and amused me. Do you still practice this (at this point) art?

Follow-up: Have you purchased the new Mos Def. I read a piece about it in Rolling Stone and it's supposed to be the best since Black on Both Sides. I say that's a glowing review.

First, let me thank you for ending the long drought that has occurred in the Ask Todd section. It is a pleasure to be back doing what I do best: answering questions.

As for your question, yes, I do still practice the art of purchasing CDs. I've always felt the need to support the artists that I like, and as such I continue to buy their cds. These days you can download music legally and pay for it, but seeing as how my laptop is on its' last leg and I don't have a working ipod, I still buy the good ol' hard copy. Plus, I like to have something real, something tangible, to remember the purchase by, whether it be for the good or for the bad. There is no feeling like ripping off that super annoying plastic of a new cd, taking it out, poppin' it in to your cd player, and groovin' to some fresh new beats. Also, sometimes you get bonus artwork and things of the like, and who doesn't want that?

As far as The Ecstatic goes, yes, I did purchase it. It's definitely the most rap from a Mos Def cd since Black on Both Sides (as opposed to the weird boogie-man stuff on the other cds), and I definitely enjoyed it, but a lot of songs were like 2 minutes long which is super frustrating to me. I gotta get geared up before I start to groove, and a lot of the songs on The Ecstatic simply did not allow me to do that. It's a good cd, not great.

Boob Support

This video comes from a good friend of the Playhouse. He is sometimes known as The Yellow Man, he is sometimes known as Sooo Good, but you probably know him as RBurke. At any rate, check out the video below.



First off, $55? What? I mean, I guess for a good nights sleep it's worth it, but can't you just role up a hand towel and squeeze it in there or something? Also, what's with the most pregnat woman of all time? Although I don't believe that she's actually pregnant, if she is, that lady is in no condition to be shooting commercials. It looks like she swallowed a beach volleyball and is about to burst. Finally, I may be mistaken, but I believe millions of big breasted women have slept fine before the Kush Support, and I believe they will continue to do so after the Kush Support. I am certainly no big breast expert and I unfortunately cannot relate to how it feels to have a bountiful bossom. However, I cannot imagine the Kush Support is the solution to any sleeping problems.

Puppies: A Convicts Best Friend

Everyone knows that puppies are like alcohol: they can heal all of lifes problems. Well, that fact is now being put to good use at the Fishkill Correctional Facility in upstate New York (have you ever noticed the farther north you drive the more towns have kill in them?) The inmates there are taking place in a new program called Puppies Behind Bars (which sounds like a family comedy staring The Rock as the hard nosed prison guard who, after spending much time with the puppies, decides he has to set them free). The prisoners are given an 8-week old puppy and taught to train them to become service dogs for the disabled. Although this seems like it could go horribly wrong and does indeed sound like a joke, the wonders of puppy dogs have been working their magic on the inmates. The puppies and prisoners are together 24 hours a day, with the puppies sleeping in crates in the prisoner's cell (we'll see what PETA has to say about that.) The unconditional love of the puppies breaks the hard exterior crust of these inmates hearts, teaching them to love again and what it means to have a responsibility. There are many sappy quotes from inmates and the disabled in the article I read, but we'll leave that part out.

Apparently, this program was brought to national light by Oprah, and in an ironic twist for the ages, it was brought to her by none other than Kruella Devil (spell check) herself, Glenn Close. Personally, I take that as a bad omen. Glenn Close hates puppies, and I trust no one that hates puppies.

Lucky German Struck by Meteorite

I hate to be behind the news but I kind of forgot about this story but it was simply too good to pass up. On June 12, a 14 year old German boy named Gerrit Blank was struck by a firey meteorite. Luckily for him the meteorite only struck his hand and then hit the ground, leaving a foot wide crater in the ground. If getting shit on by a pigeon is lucky, imagine how lucky getting love tapped by a meteorite must be. The meteorite was said to be traveling 30000 mph, which, by my count, is pretty fast. I'm not entirely sure how, but the meteorite only left a small scar on his hand. Imagine how good of a scar story/way to pick up chicks that will be. "Yeah, I was hit by a meteorite. It's like not a big deal." The women will swoon.


(Chick and meteorite magnet.)

Taste Explosion

This just in. There must have been some major breakthrough at the Slim Jim Factory in Garner, North Carolina because there was literally a flavor explosion. Four workers were critically burned and dozens more were injured. Many also suffered from ammonia inhalation. I assume that means that ammonia is the secret ingredient that gives Slim Jim that extra kick. I hope the breakthrough was worth the injuries, but knowing Slim Jim, I'm sure it was.


Note: The factory is located at 4851 Jones Sausage Rd. It cannot be a coincidence that the Slim Jim factory is located on a Sausage Rd. The only questions remains is who this Jones character is.

Todd's Stories #19

Many of my close friend already know this, but for others this may come as a bit of a suprise: in a former life of mine I was a rap superstar. That is the only explanation for my unparalleled rhyming skills for a white suburbanite. As a youth, I tapped into those skills on many occassions. I also showed my love for the streets with my FUBU and Timberland gear. Although these days my skills are only seen in the rap battle forum, I used to be quite similar to Lil' Wayne, never writing my rhymes down, but always keeping track of them in my head. Here is an example of one of my finest:

It's the T-O-double-D
I don't know why they wanna trouble me
Is it because their bitch be suckin' me
Or it is because my slow flow remarkable
I throw my rhymes like CB-4 and MC Gusto
This ain't nothing on the skeem of thangs
I blow you up worse than Marlon Wayans
Do to Keenin, I be skeemin
It's just the meanin of the thang
Bang Bang Bang, is that you that rang?
Don't come knockin on my door or I'll make you hit the floor
With the power of the Eiffel Tower
Then I'll truly duly smoke a dooby
You're a newby so I'll take it easy, you're sleazy

I don't remember the rest if there was in fact a rest. Another example of my skills comes from an earlier part of my life.

I'm stronger than King Kong
And smarter than Phil Phong
And I'll beat you at ping pong

For those of you that don't know, Phil Phong is quite smart.

The moral of the story is I will slay you in a rap battle. Also, I had many issues as a youth.

Total Eclips of the Heart

This is a dece funny video, but they get props for first timage and vocals. I'd definitely own this track if I threw one down, but it's too late. They came up with the idea and so they win. Turn around bright eyes.

Lucky Cat

Over the weekend, a cat deservingly and stupidly named Lucky, fell 26 stories from a Lower Manhattan building and survived. The owner, who apparently has never heard of screens, left her window open six inches wide when Lucky decided to give his name a test drive. He went out on the ledge, slipped, and fell 26 stories onto the balcony of someone below. I thought cats were supposed to be smart. Where did this cat think it was going to escape to? That is, unless this cat knew that it had exceptional abilities to fall from great heights and survive unscathed, in which case cats are way smarter than we give them credit for. Below is a picture taken by window washers across the street who must've been working really hard if they were able to spot a cat climbing out of a window across the street and then capture it's misadventure. For that matter, why do window washers carry a, by the looks of the picture, pretty good camera. Perhaps these skeezos were taking pictures of people inside the building they were washing. Perhaps they are undercover cops and the cat is a secret agent stealing something tiny but extremely important from it's former owner or planting bugs (not bugs like fleas, bugs like cameras and such. It's a technical term) in the owner's apartment. Perhaps they are theives planning a heist. Which is it? Only time will tell.