American Gladiators or American Fadiators?

I have recently received some well deserved words of praise and encouragement about my blog from my fans and friends alike. One such friend asked for a detailed comparison of the old vs. the new versions of American Gladiators. Not one to disappoint my fans, I now present my comparison.

Gladiators
In the old American Gladiators, it seems as though much of the competition was based on roid-rage. The Gladiators were enormous, but strictly in an unnatural way.




(This is Tower. Named so for a reason(He's as strong and as big as a tower.))






As you can see by the picture of the lovely Tower, the old American Gladiators were huge. Not that the new ones aren't large as well, but they are more sleek and cut. The old ones were more raw and angry. Also, the new American Gladiators always seem greased up, and that kind of enhancement just doesn't do it for me. Plus, the names of the old gladiators were much more funny. They are so simple and dim-witted that one can't help but be amused. Seeing as how most of the names come from naturally occurring events, especially storms (storm being a name as well), you have to enjoy them. Names like Thunder, Lightning, Ice and Diamond just can't be ignored. Point goes to old American Gladiators.

Contestants
Here there is not too much of a difference. Contestants both old and new are in relatively good shape and usually pretty uninteresting. However, the old contestants more often than not tended to have mullets, and that is a plus in my category. Also, in the new American Gladiators half of the show is the reaction of the contestants and their back stories. I don't give a crap about your back stories. All I want to see is Tower and Thunder tackling the shit out of you. I don't care how happy you are to be here, how uplifting your story is, or how hard you are going to try. I just want to see you be destroyed and humiliated. Point goes to old American Gladiators.

Hosts
I don't really know that much about the old hosts, and that's the point. I don't really care to hear the hosts chit-chatting for a half hour when I could be seeing contestants being knocked all over the place. As much as I love Hulk Hogan (sorry about the divorce big guy) and Muhammad Ali's daughter, I am more interested in seeing the contestants being ripped down from the rings or decked while trying to put a ball in a hoop. Point goes to old American Gladiators.

Events
Many of the events in the old and new American Gladiators are the same. We all know what they are so I won't go into much detail. However, in the new American Gladiators only 3 events are shown per episode (not including the Eliminator) to the old's 5. Plus, the new Gladiators got rid of some of the best events, including the Maze and the event where the contestants try to score a touchdown and then do some sort of sumo event. Also, the old events were much more physical. Probably partially do to the roid-rage discussed earlier, the old gladiators were far more fearsome and angry and more likely to cause someone injury, and that is what we really want to see. Full on body tackles were aplenty in the old episodes and have become a bit of a rarity these days. The new events do however have a couple redeeming factors. First, in the joust and in the rings as well as in other events, water is present. It is generally much more amusing to see some idiot fall into the water then onto some padding. If they fell onto concrete or something that might be better, but water trumps those foam pads any day in my book. Also, the Eliminator is superior in the new episodes as well. This is because all of the harder sections are at the end. I like seeing the contestants inevitably struggle on the inclined treadmill thing. I don't want it to be so easy for them as it was in the old ones. The new Eliminator does have the flaw of it being really easy when you fall however. If you fall from the hand bike or that thing you have to spin down all you have to do is climb back up and keep moving. These idiot contestants though continue to try to do the hand bike when they could just jump down, run across, and keep going. My take on it is that the gladiators should be waiting for them and if they fall they should get speared or something. That would be much more difficult and amusing. Still, the overall point for events goes to old gladiators.

In the end, it is obvious that the old American Gladiators were much better. Whether it be due to nostalgia or the much more ridiculous nature of it, the old gladiators by far trump the new ones. And with the sole reason of tying in the title, I ask you, are these American Gladiators or are they American Fadiators, simply here for a short stint and then gone again? Think about it. I know I will.

Any further American Gladiator questions can be left on my blog as well as personal thoughts and comments.