Broken Hearted

I haven't written a post like this in a while because I received a few criticisms of such posts and it's also not what Todder's Playhouse is all about. Todder's Playhouse is a place of fun and education and I try to stick to that as closely as possible. However, due to the recent lack of comments and questions, you have left me with no choice, so here we go.

In recent weeks there has been a dramatic drop in comments to posts and questions in the Ask Todd section, and it breaks my heart. I pour my heart and soul into this blog and to see it go unrespected and unrecognized is sickening. I know there are those of you out there still reading Todder's Playhouse quite religiously, and yet you choose not to leave comments. I live for those comments, and for you not to leave any is like you wripping teeny-tiny pieces of my mind, body and soul ever so slowly out from my heart, and it's eating me up inside.

As for the lack of questions in the Ask Todd section, have I really answered all of your questions so quickly? I think not. I know you still have many unanswered questions. I only wish you would give me the chance to answer them. Then we would both be all the more satisfied. You would be more satisfied because you received the best possible answer to your question, and I because I helped yet another person yearning to have their questions answered.

In closing, please show a little more respect to Todder's Playhouse be leaving your comments and your questions. Only when this is done that will we all be able to live harmoniously in bloggerdom. Thank you.

Shaq Fu All Over Again

I'm sure by now you have all heard about Shaq's recent "freestyle" at a NYC night club. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out below.



Amongst his harshes lines are, "Now tell me how my ass tastes." You are an enormous man and I am sure eat and shit a lot. As such, I can pretty much gaurantee your ass tastes awful.

While doing some research I found that this little freestyle comes in lew of Shaq's SEVENTH STUDIO ALBUM. Are you kidding me? I can't confirm this info because I don't think anyone bought any of them, but that is what I am told by a somewhat reliable internet sources. Where were all of us while this was happening? Were they not as critically acclaimed as Shaq Fu? Poor ol' Shaq just won't quite. I don't know if he just hasn't realized that he's a terrible rapper or if he hasn't realized that even if he was a good rapper still no one would buy his album because of the humiliation and insults which would follow.

I also think it's funny that Shaq is insulting the league's MVP. Shaq can barely move anymore. Even if he was on the Lakers he wouldn't do anything. Shaq was great in his hay day, but that day is no more. I'm sorry Shaq, you're just too old. Maybe you should just stick to what you do best: making citizen's arrests and becoming an honorary member of the police force. That way you won't have to do anymore running because I don't think anyone is dumb enough to try to escape the long arm of Shaquille O'Neal. A beat-down by Shaq is the last thing anyone wants and because of sheer intimidation he would be a key asset to the force.

It's Official: The Incredible Love Will be the Greatest Movie Ever

There have been many great on-screen duos in film history. There was Sean Connery and Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones. There was Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman in Double Team. There was Jean-Claude Van Damme and Jean-Claude Van Damme in Double Impact. However, none of those spectacular duos could possibly prepare you for the two who will appear in the movie The Incredible Love. That's right, Slyvester Stallone and Arnold Schwartzenegger will star along side one another in the same movie. I'm no movie critic or anything, but with a lineup like that, I can already hear the faint buzzes of Oscar nominations. Now not only will these two be on top of the food world with their Zagat rated Planet Hollywood restaurants, but they will also be high atop Hollywood and the movie industry once again.

(This is by no means a recent picture.)

Although they may not be the lead roles, with these two together on the big screen anything is possible. This film is simply a spring board for future collaborations between the two. Perhaps Sly and Arnold can star in a movie where they are both cops and do not like each other, but due to unforeseen circumstances must team up together to take down a crime boss (preferabely played by fellow Planet Hollywood backer, Bruce Willis.) Or perhaps they can star in a Lord of the Flies type movie where past Hollywood action stars are dropped on an island and the last man standing gets to star on a new season of The Surreal Life (other castaways would include Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, Wesley Snipes, Kurt Russell and Danny Devito (for comic relief)). Either way, these two are back to doing what they do best, making awfulsome movies we just can't refuse.

Rule of Life #5

There is no sex in the Champagne Room. That one is Chris Rocks'.

Todd's Stories #7

When I was younger I was afraid of the noises that airplane toilets would make when flushed so when I would finish peeing on the plane I would make noises like, "Whoooooosh," so that the people outside of the bathroom thought I actually flushed it. I wonder if it ever worked.

The moral of the story is that you shouldn't be ashamed of having a fear of airplane toilets.

Aren't the Japanese Slim Enough?

Apparenlty Japan, not known as being a country of large waist sizes, has decided to take an extreme step towards making it's citizens as healthy as can be. A national law which came into effect two months ago requires companies and local governments alike to measure the waistline of Japanese people between the ages of 40 and 74 as part of their annual checkups. Those that are too husky and exceed the waistline limit - 33.5 inches for men and 35.4 inches for women - and have weight related issues will be given dieting guidance if they have not lost weight in 3 months. Look out! Guidelines on healthy eating and exercise! If you you have not lost weight in 6 months, further re-direction! What an awful world!

With the goal of shrinking the overweight population by 10% within 4 years and 25% within 7 years, the government will impose fines on companies and local governments which fail to meet specific targets. The Ministry of Health says that these goals will help decrease the number of cases of diabetes and other weight related problems as well as lower health care costs.

The first thing I thought of when I read this was that it was extremely stupid. It's so stupid not only because Japanese people are in general pretty skinny, but also because what kind of punishment is giving dieting guidelines? If you really want to make people lose weight whip them or something. For every 1/10th of an inch over the guideline you get one lashing. That number gets doubled every inch you exceed the guideline. That'll teach 'em to have those love handles! Or give them food rations. That way you know they're not eating too much. Come on Japan, if you want your citizens to lose weight, really go after them. Don't be such pussies and simply give them guidelines for healthy living, give them pain and agony, that's the only way they'll learn.

The second thing I thought of when I read this was how funny it would be if something like this was implemented in America. At least every other person would exceed the limit. Imagine that, over half the population being forced to lose weight. Plus, they'd be learning how to lose some weight and not eat at McDonald's 5 times a week. What a disaster! What kind of America would we be living in if everyone was in shape? Not the kind of America I want to live in, I'll tell you that much.

No Funky Bunch Reunion for this Wahlberg

On the heels of his brother Donnie's much anticipated reunion with the New Kids on the Block, many are wondering if his brother Mark would be willing to reunite with the band which threw him into the spot light. However, when asked if Marky Mark would ever reunite with the Funky Bunch, Mark Wahlberg replied "Not a Funking chance." (He actually said, "Not a fucking chance, but funking would have been way more clever and funny.)

After all he's been through it seems like Marky Mark has forgotten about his roots. The Funky Bunch are what made Mark who he is today, and without them he would be nothing. To that I say shame on you Mr. Wahlberg. The Funky Bunch are a part of your history that you can't simply just shrug off, no matter how embarassing it was. Never call yourself Marky Mark again. You no longer deserve the name. The Funky Bunch are better off without you.

Wahlberg goes on to say that, "Hip-hop is a young man's game." I'm sorry Mark, what you did was not hip-hop. That wasn't even music. That was you showing off your abs and making 13 year old girls scream for you while making a fool of yourself. If hip-hop being a young man's game is your excuse for no reunion, you are going to have to do better than that.

Despite my criticisms here I do consider myself a fan of Wahlberg's. For someone to make a serious acting career after having a name like Marky Mark and "rapping" along side a group called the Funky Bunch is extremely impressive. That's almost as impressive as if Pee-Wee Herman made a big time come back (which I wish would happen). Wahlberg's obvious best role was in I Heart Huckabees, a performance which was Oscar worthy. Other than that he has been in some solid B flicks, and to do that after running around like such a clown is incredible, so hat's off to you Marky Mark, even if you are no longer part of the Funky Bunch.

To see interview click here: Marky Mark