Broken Hearted

I haven't written a post like this in a while because I received a few criticisms of such posts and it's also not what Todder's Playhouse is all about. Todder's Playhouse is a place of fun and education and I try to stick to that as closely as possible. However, due to the recent lack of comments and questions, you have left me with no choice, so here we go.

In recent weeks there has been a dramatic drop in comments to posts and questions in the Ask Todd section, and it breaks my heart. I pour my heart and soul into this blog and to see it go unrespected and unrecognized is sickening. I know there are those of you out there still reading Todder's Playhouse quite religiously, and yet you choose not to leave comments. I live for those comments, and for you not to leave any is like you wripping teeny-tiny pieces of my mind, body and soul ever so slowly out from my heart, and it's eating me up inside.

As for the lack of questions in the Ask Todd section, have I really answered all of your questions so quickly? I think not. I know you still have many unanswered questions. I only wish you would give me the chance to answer them. Then we would both be all the more satisfied. You would be more satisfied because you received the best possible answer to your question, and I because I helped yet another person yearning to have their questions answered.

In closing, please show a little more respect to Todder's Playhouse be leaving your comments and your questions. Only when this is done that will we all be able to live harmoniously in bloggerdom. Thank you.

Shaq Fu All Over Again

I'm sure by now you have all heard about Shaq's recent "freestyle" at a NYC night club. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out below.



Amongst his harshes lines are, "Now tell me how my ass tastes." You are an enormous man and I am sure eat and shit a lot. As such, I can pretty much gaurantee your ass tastes awful.

While doing some research I found that this little freestyle comes in lew of Shaq's SEVENTH STUDIO ALBUM. Are you kidding me? I can't confirm this info because I don't think anyone bought any of them, but that is what I am told by a somewhat reliable internet sources. Where were all of us while this was happening? Were they not as critically acclaimed as Shaq Fu? Poor ol' Shaq just won't quite. I don't know if he just hasn't realized that he's a terrible rapper or if he hasn't realized that even if he was a good rapper still no one would buy his album because of the humiliation and insults which would follow.

I also think it's funny that Shaq is insulting the league's MVP. Shaq can barely move anymore. Even if he was on the Lakers he wouldn't do anything. Shaq was great in his hay day, but that day is no more. I'm sorry Shaq, you're just too old. Maybe you should just stick to what you do best: making citizen's arrests and becoming an honorary member of the police force. That way you won't have to do anymore running because I don't think anyone is dumb enough to try to escape the long arm of Shaquille O'Neal. A beat-down by Shaq is the last thing anyone wants and because of sheer intimidation he would be a key asset to the force.

It's Official: The Incredible Love Will be the Greatest Movie Ever

There have been many great on-screen duos in film history. There was Sean Connery and Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones. There was Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman in Double Team. There was Jean-Claude Van Damme and Jean-Claude Van Damme in Double Impact. However, none of those spectacular duos could possibly prepare you for the two who will appear in the movie The Incredible Love. That's right, Slyvester Stallone and Arnold Schwartzenegger will star along side one another in the same movie. I'm no movie critic or anything, but with a lineup like that, I can already hear the faint buzzes of Oscar nominations. Now not only will these two be on top of the food world with their Zagat rated Planet Hollywood restaurants, but they will also be high atop Hollywood and the movie industry once again.

(This is by no means a recent picture.)

Although they may not be the lead roles, with these two together on the big screen anything is possible. This film is simply a spring board for future collaborations between the two. Perhaps Sly and Arnold can star in a movie where they are both cops and do not like each other, but due to unforeseen circumstances must team up together to take down a crime boss (preferabely played by fellow Planet Hollywood backer, Bruce Willis.) Or perhaps they can star in a Lord of the Flies type movie where past Hollywood action stars are dropped on an island and the last man standing gets to star on a new season of The Surreal Life (other castaways would include Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, Wesley Snipes, Kurt Russell and Danny Devito (for comic relief)). Either way, these two are back to doing what they do best, making awfulsome movies we just can't refuse.

Rule of Life #5

There is no sex in the Champagne Room. That one is Chris Rocks'.

Todd's Stories #7

When I was younger I was afraid of the noises that airplane toilets would make when flushed so when I would finish peeing on the plane I would make noises like, "Whoooooosh," so that the people outside of the bathroom thought I actually flushed it. I wonder if it ever worked.

The moral of the story is that you shouldn't be ashamed of having a fear of airplane toilets.

Aren't the Japanese Slim Enough?

Apparenlty Japan, not known as being a country of large waist sizes, has decided to take an extreme step towards making it's citizens as healthy as can be. A national law which came into effect two months ago requires companies and local governments alike to measure the waistline of Japanese people between the ages of 40 and 74 as part of their annual checkups. Those that are too husky and exceed the waistline limit - 33.5 inches for men and 35.4 inches for women - and have weight related issues will be given dieting guidance if they have not lost weight in 3 months. Look out! Guidelines on healthy eating and exercise! If you you have not lost weight in 6 months, further re-direction! What an awful world!

With the goal of shrinking the overweight population by 10% within 4 years and 25% within 7 years, the government will impose fines on companies and local governments which fail to meet specific targets. The Ministry of Health says that these goals will help decrease the number of cases of diabetes and other weight related problems as well as lower health care costs.

The first thing I thought of when I read this was that it was extremely stupid. It's so stupid not only because Japanese people are in general pretty skinny, but also because what kind of punishment is giving dieting guidelines? If you really want to make people lose weight whip them or something. For every 1/10th of an inch over the guideline you get one lashing. That number gets doubled every inch you exceed the guideline. That'll teach 'em to have those love handles! Or give them food rations. That way you know they're not eating too much. Come on Japan, if you want your citizens to lose weight, really go after them. Don't be such pussies and simply give them guidelines for healthy living, give them pain and agony, that's the only way they'll learn.

The second thing I thought of when I read this was how funny it would be if something like this was implemented in America. At least every other person would exceed the limit. Imagine that, over half the population being forced to lose weight. Plus, they'd be learning how to lose some weight and not eat at McDonald's 5 times a week. What a disaster! What kind of America would we be living in if everyone was in shape? Not the kind of America I want to live in, I'll tell you that much.

No Funky Bunch Reunion for this Wahlberg

On the heels of his brother Donnie's much anticipated reunion with the New Kids on the Block, many are wondering if his brother Mark would be willing to reunite with the band which threw him into the spot light. However, when asked if Marky Mark would ever reunite with the Funky Bunch, Mark Wahlberg replied "Not a Funking chance." (He actually said, "Not a fucking chance, but funking would have been way more clever and funny.)

After all he's been through it seems like Marky Mark has forgotten about his roots. The Funky Bunch are what made Mark who he is today, and without them he would be nothing. To that I say shame on you Mr. Wahlberg. The Funky Bunch are a part of your history that you can't simply just shrug off, no matter how embarassing it was. Never call yourself Marky Mark again. You no longer deserve the name. The Funky Bunch are better off without you.

Wahlberg goes on to say that, "Hip-hop is a young man's game." I'm sorry Mark, what you did was not hip-hop. That wasn't even music. That was you showing off your abs and making 13 year old girls scream for you while making a fool of yourself. If hip-hop being a young man's game is your excuse for no reunion, you are going to have to do better than that.

Despite my criticisms here I do consider myself a fan of Wahlberg's. For someone to make a serious acting career after having a name like Marky Mark and "rapping" along side a group called the Funky Bunch is extremely impressive. That's almost as impressive as if Pee-Wee Herman made a big time come back (which I wish would happen). Wahlberg's obvious best role was in I Heart Huckabees, a performance which was Oscar worthy. Other than that he has been in some solid B flicks, and to do that after running around like such a clown is incredible, so hat's off to you Marky Mark, even if you are no longer part of the Funky Bunch.

To see interview click here: Marky Mark

Todd's Stories #6

Growing up, Todd was a boy who loved animals. In the Easton household there were always plenty of pets to play with, ranging from rats and bunnies to dogs and cats. In particular, Todd always loved dogs. As a little baby-Todd, Todd's family had a golden retriever named Kyle which baby-Todd loved. As a young child-Todd, Todd's family had a black lab named Noir which child-Todd loved. And during the same time as Noir, Todd's family had a chocolate lab named Pal-O-Mine. All of these dogs Todd loved, but although they were all in the family, Todd was not able to call any of them his own.

During his childhood, Todd was quite a little reader. He read various books, many of which had to do with dogs. Todd's favorite series of books was Henry and Mudge.

(Todd nor Mudge looked anything like this)

The bond between child and dog in those books was what Todd yearned oh-so-badly for and made Todd want a dog of his own even more. Every Christmas and every birthday Todd would ask for a dog, which was always acompanied by the answer of no. However, one Christmas, Todd's wish finally came true and he was able to go pick out a yellow lab to call his own.

All of the Easton's wanted a say in the naming of Todd's dog, but deep down in his heart Todd knew that no name would do but Mudge. After listening to their suggestions (although he knew none of them would be accepted) Todd finally decided on the name of Mudge and let everyone know. A week later they went to pick out the dog to be named Mudge and it was love at first site. Todd knew imediately which dog he wanted and that was that. The legend of Mudge grew from there.

The funny part of the story came several years later while in 4th or 5th grade. During these years of school everyone had to write their own books. Todd had written several others, including such classics as East Vs. West, The Stone House, and the book of jokes, however none were quite as good as his Todd and Mudge books. That's because he stole the stories entirely from Henry and Mudge. Todd replaced the name Henry with his own and called it a day. He made slight changes of course, but most of it had already been written by the real author.

Personally, I like Todd and Mudge better, but I'm a little biased.

R.I.P. The Late Great Mudge. Gone but never forgotten.

A Beverly Hills Cop for the Children

I'm sure by now everyone is aware that there is going to be a Beverly Hills Cop 4 in the somewhat near future. What you may not know is that the director, Brett Ratner, is aiming to make it more children friendly than perhaps it's predecessors. Ratner says this, "10-year-old kids, 12-year-old kids don’t really know the old ‘Beverly Hills Cop.’ So it’s an opportunity to make it new for kids. The same way it felt for me watching ‘Beverly Hills Cop’ when I was a kid, that’s what I want to do for kids today." To this I say, don't be such a pussy Ratner.

First off (there will be no second off, I just like to start paragraphs like this), I don't remember any of the Beverly Hills Cop being particularly over the top with violence or bad language. They were a good mix of action and well timed curse words to add that comedic effect needed in certain moments. Why an already pretty low-offensiveness series needs to be even further dulled down I am not quite sure, but it sounds like Ratner is simply being an ass and ruining another theoretically great movie and series (i.e. X-Men 3).

Come on Ratner, you got a spice it up a bit. Throw in some bitches, fucks, assholes, and pussies. Don't be afraid of showing some blood splattering all over Eddie Murphy's face. I don't know much about the movie yet, but if their is a sex scene, show a little tittie. Let it all hang out (no pun intended). You're behind the healm of the newest edition to one of the better and more humorous cop series of all time, so don't fuck it Ratner.

The Real Life Iron Man

So, it turns out that Iron Man is not such a futuristic idea. Although the real Iron Man looks much more bad ass than what you are about to see below, it appears super strength is not such a crazy idea.


(It's easy to see why this nerd is wearing the suit. Now he can lift as much as a normal human being.)







Although it may at first be used to help lift heavy machinery and load various items, this baby can make a heavy lifter out of anybody. It will one day hopefully help the super-soldiers of tomorrow. The suit senses the movements you are about to make and then amplifies them. As says this geek ,"Everyone gets bored much more quickly than I get tired." That's the ticket kid, just bore everyone. That's how battles are one these days, so this suit should go straight to the top. I can't see it being very functional or sleek in combat situations, but who am I to judge what this obviously cumbersome suit can or cannot do.

With this suit no longer are we held back by our measly little human bodies. Our strength will be increased to a point where we can lift significantly more than our own body weight. We will be like an army of human ants (since ants can lift so much more than their own body weight). We may all look like idiots, but at least we'll be lifting a lot more weight.