Jimmy Crack Corn writes:
Bod Pod,
Who is the most unbelievable, mismatched couple in Hollywood? Personally, I think it is Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis. I may be biased because I think she is one of the hottest women on the planet and he is one of the weirdest but I believe I am not alone in my thought. Let me know. Thanks bro.
This is a very difficult question because there are just so many Hollywood couples out there. There's Brangelina. There's Johniston. There's Timberbeil. There's Demikutch. As you mentiod, there'e Culkikuni, which, by the way, is a terrific couple. There are just so many it's hard to choose which couple is the best. However, if we are rating based on mismatchedness, Sascha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher are up there. How someone so hot can date someone who had a fat, hairy, naked man sit on his head, I'll never know. Culkikuni is also up there, but who could resist Mr. Home Alone himself. Kunis, besides the hotness, is quite annoying so I could see that being quite a detracation. Seal and Heidi Klum are also a bit of a strange couple, but who could resist that voice. One word of Kiss From a Rose and I'd be all his.
Other than that, it seems most Hollywood couples make a decent amount of sense, so I guess the question wasn't that hard after all. I hope that answer was sufficient.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Todd's Stories #15
I've always prided myself on my basketball skills (I've also always greatly overrated them). When I was a youngin, I would practice my skills outside in my backyard day in and day out, honing my shot making abilities all by myself. The downfall of this system is that it makes you suck at defense. I'm slow as shit as is, and without proper footwork and good timing, I am not much better than a garbage can at defense. However, there was one time when my play far outreached my skills, and it was legendary (at least to me it was).
This specific event occurred in the 3rd or 4th grade. At this point in life my height was similar to it is today: average. I had yet to hit my growth spurt that would sky rocket me to the top of the food chain, and as such I was nothing more than a puny little kid on the basketball court. This was not true of Kenny Reinartz. Kenny Reinartz was a monster. Looking back, it seems as though he was seven feet tall, and I wouldn't be suprised if he was. He had to have at least a foot on me, and probably 80 pounds. However, I was fearless on the court and would back down from no challenge. While at lunch one day a group of guys, including myself and Kenny, were playing basketball. It was a small game of 3 on 3, but everyone was trying their hardest. I'm not going to pretend to remember the score or how the game went, but what I do remember is that on one possession Kenny got the ball, and I went at him like a bat out of hell. He went up for the shot and I flew across the air like a flying squirrel, swatting his shot down with force seldom seen in pre-professional basketball games. It was one of the best moments in my basketball career, and possibly even in my life, and one that I will never forget.
(This is exactly what my block looked like.)
The morals of the story are that anything is possible, to never back down, and to step up to the streets.
This specific event occurred in the 3rd or 4th grade. At this point in life my height was similar to it is today: average. I had yet to hit my growth spurt that would sky rocket me to the top of the food chain, and as such I was nothing more than a puny little kid on the basketball court. This was not true of Kenny Reinartz. Kenny Reinartz was a monster. Looking back, it seems as though he was seven feet tall, and I wouldn't be suprised if he was. He had to have at least a foot on me, and probably 80 pounds. However, I was fearless on the court and would back down from no challenge. While at lunch one day a group of guys, including myself and Kenny, were playing basketball. It was a small game of 3 on 3, but everyone was trying their hardest. I'm not going to pretend to remember the score or how the game went, but what I do remember is that on one possession Kenny got the ball, and I went at him like a bat out of hell. He went up for the shot and I flew across the air like a flying squirrel, swatting his shot down with force seldom seen in pre-professional basketball games. It was one of the best moments in my basketball career, and possibly even in my life, and one that I will never forget.
(This is exactly what my block looked like.)
The morals of the story are that anything is possible, to never back down, and to step up to the streets.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Answer for oneofthebens
oneofthebens writes:
I noticed that when I asked for a slogan competition I also wanted t-shirts, could you please give us a realistic update on that?
Also, do you really get spam comments where you actually need the word verification filter?
Honestly, I forgot about the teachers (after re-reading this I noticed that teachers is supposed to be t-shirts, but I thought the error was funny enough to keep). It's not because I don't love the idea, because I do, it's just that no one at the time really stood out as deserving of a Todder's Playhouse t-shirt and so I guess it just up and left my mind. Realistically, I could see the t-shirts coming to life, I just need to think of some sort of contest or scale of deservingness to decide who should get one. You have my word that I will work on it.
As far as the word verification filter goes, I didn't even know what that was for, and so no, I have never gotten spam comments. And good thing too, because if someone hacked into The Bod Says section and started writing things that The Bod didn't actually say, I would not be a happy camper.
I noticed that when I asked for a slogan competition I also wanted t-shirts, could you please give us a realistic update on that?
Also, do you really get spam comments where you actually need the word verification filter?
Honestly, I forgot about the teachers (after re-reading this I noticed that teachers is supposed to be t-shirts, but I thought the error was funny enough to keep). It's not because I don't love the idea, because I do, it's just that no one at the time really stood out as deserving of a Todder's Playhouse t-shirt and so I guess it just up and left my mind. Realistically, I could see the t-shirts coming to life, I just need to think of some sort of contest or scale of deservingness to decide who should get one. You have my word that I will work on it.
As far as the word verification filter goes, I didn't even know what that was for, and so no, I have never gotten spam comments. And good thing too, because if someone hacked into The Bod Says section and started writing things that The Bod didn't actually say, I would not be a happy camper.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Answer for oneofthebens
oneofthebens writes:
Wakka wakka wodder:
If I know it's going to be a sbd AND I'm at least 80% sure they can't blame it on me, is ok that I fart? I guess more generally, what's your rule of thumb in regards to farting?
This is a very important question because you never want to be caught farting in an inappropriate situation. There are all other sorts of rules regarding other manners, but there is no solid set of rules for farting so I'm glad to be able to set the rules straight.
If you know it's going to be an sbd and your 80% there will be no proof to link it to you, I say go for it. Of course, it depends on the location and who you are with, but in general I say let loose. It's uncomfortable to hold it in or force it back up, and if you don't have to, don't do it. If you're surrounded by male peers, then definitely deal it up. Even if they can some how prove it is you, who cares. If you're surrounded by female peers, you might want to think about holding yourself back. You don't want to turn off a potential gf because you smell like ass. If you are surrounded by strangers, again, go for it. Who cares what they think. The above is also under the assumption that your fart is going to stink. I think it goes without saying that if you know it's not going to be a smelly fart than regardless of the situation drop a bomb on it.
Sometimes more important than who you are surrounded by is where you are. If you're at a party with lots of people the likelihood of being caught is pretty small and so you can probably go for it. If you're at a funeral, regardless of the chances of being caught, suck it back up. I think the reason there are no real set of rules for farting is because it varies so greatly from situation to situation. There are many locations and groups of people that you can be perfectly fine with letting one go in the wind, but there are many other locations and groups of friends where farting is a death sentence, especially if you're caught. I guess what I'm trying to say is to use some discretion, and if in doubt, don't let it out. Hope that helps.
Wakka wakka wodder:
If I know it's going to be a sbd AND I'm at least 80% sure they can't blame it on me, is ok that I fart? I guess more generally, what's your rule of thumb in regards to farting?
This is a very important question because you never want to be caught farting in an inappropriate situation. There are all other sorts of rules regarding other manners, but there is no solid set of rules for farting so I'm glad to be able to set the rules straight.
If you know it's going to be an sbd and your 80% there will be no proof to link it to you, I say go for it. Of course, it depends on the location and who you are with, but in general I say let loose. It's uncomfortable to hold it in or force it back up, and if you don't have to, don't do it. If you're surrounded by male peers, then definitely deal it up. Even if they can some how prove it is you, who cares. If you're surrounded by female peers, you might want to think about holding yourself back. You don't want to turn off a potential gf because you smell like ass. If you are surrounded by strangers, again, go for it. Who cares what they think. The above is also under the assumption that your fart is going to stink. I think it goes without saying that if you know it's not going to be a smelly fart than regardless of the situation drop a bomb on it.
Sometimes more important than who you are surrounded by is where you are. If you're at a party with lots of people the likelihood of being caught is pretty small and so you can probably go for it. If you're at a funeral, regardless of the chances of being caught, suck it back up. I think the reason there are no real set of rules for farting is because it varies so greatly from situation to situation. There are many locations and groups of people that you can be perfectly fine with letting one go in the wind, but there are many other locations and groups of friends where farting is a death sentence, especially if you're caught. I guess what I'm trying to say is to use some discretion, and if in doubt, don't let it out. Hope that helps.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Answer for odonnellMONSTER
odonnellMONSTER writes:
whats the greatest invention of the last 50 years? Who is the greatest thinker of the last 100 years? What's the greatest sandwich created in the last 50 years? Where can I get this sandwich? If you could make a sandwich to sell to people what would it be? How could I get you to make me this sandwich? What makes a good sandwich? How many sandwiches in one day is two much (hint I used two)? And what are the 5 food groups and do you agree with them?
First off, this is a super annoying onslaught of questions. I know you just want me to talk about cheesesteaks because you love them so much, but I won't do it. Secondly, since this myriad of questions is so annoying, I'm going to give you dead serious answers so that you derive no pleasure in them.
The greatest invention of the last 50 years is the transistor. Although it is a little outside of the 50 year range, it has been made drastically smaller and more effective within the last 50 years. It is a key component in nearly all modern electronics. Donezo.
The greatest thinker of the last 100 years would have to be Alan Turing, the father of modern computer science. Donezo.
The greatest sandwich created in the last 50 years is the how the hell am I supposed to know when a sandwich was created. Donezo
You can get this sandwich at this question no longer applies. Donezo.
If I could make a sandwich to sell to people it would be a tosti, which is any variety of delicious cheeses and meats on a sandwich pressed on a panini maker, my personal favorite being a delicious cheese and ham. Donezo.
To get me to make you this sandwich all you have to do is ask. Donezo.
A good sandwich is generally made with a delicously fresh meat and a delicious cheese. Those two are probably the most important ingredients. You have to remember to season your meat properly, and always use fresh ingredients. Also, some nice fresh bread is important as well. Donezo.
I think three sandwiches is too many for one day. Sometimes I have a pb&j for breakfast, and on those days I make sure to only have one other sandwich throughout the day. Generally this is not difficult because I rarely have a sandwich for dinner. Unless you're having some sort of soup and sandwich or salad and sandwich combination, you should probably stay away from sandwiches at dinner time. Donezo.
The five food groups are meats, daries, fruits, vegetables, and grains. I agree with the five food groups because it helps you to have a balanced and nutritional diet. Donezo.
Donezo.
whats the greatest invention of the last 50 years? Who is the greatest thinker of the last 100 years? What's the greatest sandwich created in the last 50 years? Where can I get this sandwich? If you could make a sandwich to sell to people what would it be? How could I get you to make me this sandwich? What makes a good sandwich? How many sandwiches in one day is two much (hint I used two)? And what are the 5 food groups and do you agree with them?
First off, this is a super annoying onslaught of questions. I know you just want me to talk about cheesesteaks because you love them so much, but I won't do it. Secondly, since this myriad of questions is so annoying, I'm going to give you dead serious answers so that you derive no pleasure in them.
The greatest invention of the last 50 years is the transistor. Although it is a little outside of the 50 year range, it has been made drastically smaller and more effective within the last 50 years. It is a key component in nearly all modern electronics. Donezo.
The greatest thinker of the last 100 years would have to be Alan Turing, the father of modern computer science. Donezo.
The greatest sandwich created in the last 50 years is the how the hell am I supposed to know when a sandwich was created. Donezo
You can get this sandwich at this question no longer applies. Donezo.
If I could make a sandwich to sell to people it would be a tosti, which is any variety of delicious cheeses and meats on a sandwich pressed on a panini maker, my personal favorite being a delicious cheese and ham. Donezo.
To get me to make you this sandwich all you have to do is ask. Donezo.
A good sandwich is generally made with a delicously fresh meat and a delicious cheese. Those two are probably the most important ingredients. You have to remember to season your meat properly, and always use fresh ingredients. Also, some nice fresh bread is important as well. Donezo.
I think three sandwiches is too many for one day. Sometimes I have a pb&j for breakfast, and on those days I make sure to only have one other sandwich throughout the day. Generally this is not difficult because I rarely have a sandwich for dinner. Unless you're having some sort of soup and sandwich or salad and sandwich combination, you should probably stay away from sandwiches at dinner time. Donezo.
The five food groups are meats, daries, fruits, vegetables, and grains. I agree with the five food groups because it helps you to have a balanced and nutritional diet. Donezo.
Donezo.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
2 for 1 of Great Movie News
I have two glorious tidbits of movie information I hope you will all enjoy as much as I do. The first comes from the movie The Expendables. I've already written enough about this movie and its' remarkable cast so I'll try not to go over the top with my excitement, but there has been some new casting editions that I just could not help but share. The first is Eric Roberts. For those of you who don't know who Eric Roberts is, he is brother of actress Julia Roberts, one of the creepiest men on the planet, and star of such wonderful films as The Specialist (along side Sly Stallone himself), The Shadow Men, Best of the Best II, and my personal favorite, Best of the Best.
The other great addition to the cast is none other than the Governor himself. Although due to the terrible condition of California these days he may not be able to get away from his day job, Arnold is slated to be in The Expendables. The long awaited duo of Sly Stallone and Arnold Swartzenegger may finally come together on screen, and it won't just be for a Planet Hollywood promotion (I hope).
The other big news in Hollywood is on another big team up. It's not as big as Jean Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman, but it's equally as quick witted. The movie, titled Trump Heist, will star Chris Tucker and Eddie Murphy. Never before have two careers on such a spiral downward collided at such a late point in their careers (that statement is made for drama purposes only. I have no facts to back it up). Neither of them have been in a good movie in nearly a decade, and with Brett Ratner, Mr. Careerandmoviekiller himself at the reigns, Trump Heist promises not to put an end to that streak.
This just in: I did a little more research on Trump Heist and it seems as though Ratner is going for the black version of Oceans Eleven. I have discovered that non only are Chris Tucker and Eddie Murphy in the same film, two of the fastest talking and most annoying men in the game (their funny in good movies but annoying in bad ones), but also Chris Rock is in the mix. Wow. That is an explosion of obnoxiously loud and over the top humor that I don't think even Brett Ratner can contain. Ratner loves his visual effects, but this time bomb of a team might be more than he can handle. Now if he can only get Martin Lawrence in there. Case closed. Best. Movie. Ever.
This just even more in: I can't possibly believe what I am about to write, but I still have to say it because it's so incredible. I just read that along with Tucker, Murphy, and Rock, Jamie Foxx and Dave Chappelle are also in talks to star in the movie, as well as the big D himself, Denzel Washington. There is slim to no chance that any of this is true, but still, the thought of all of these characters in the same movie will leave a smile on my face for the rest of the night.
UPDATE: Danny Trejo, the scariest man on the planet and the bad guy in practically every b-list movie in existence, has joined the cast of The Expendabls. My wildest dreams are coming true.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Answer for Jimmy Crack Corn
Jimmy Crack Corn writes:
Bodd,
Let's play F***, Marry, Kill? You have Oprah, Rosanne and Whoopi. Please answer and explain why. Thanks.
First off, that's really gross. The idea of fornicating with any of those three ladies nauseates me (no offense to any of you if you read my blog), but I don't have a choice but to answer, so I'll do my best. Also, nice use of the question mark at an inappropriate location in order to make what would have otherwise been a statement into a question. I could just answer let's not, but that wouldn't be very nice of me so I'll give you the real deal. And I won't be using the word fuck because that makes what is already horrifying seem that much worse, at least to me.
Originally I was thinking Oprah to marry because she could be my suga-mama and I'd never have to worry about money a day in my life again, but then I realized they all have enough money to make me as happy as I could be being with a person I am the opposite of attracted to. This then switched my thought process to the least appealing part of the question, the sex part. Although I'd prefer to not do that with any of these ladies, Oprah is the only one that is mildly attractive. In her skinnier days it would be a no brainer, but even with a little extra cushion she has to be the choice for sex.
That leaves me with marrying and killing. I think the answer is quite obvious. I would kill myself before I married Roseanne and listened to that shrieking voice all day, and since I don't want to kill myself, I would kill her. That leaves Whoopi, who is after all the funniest and most entertaining of the group, to marry. What originally seemed like a very painful question turned out to be not that bad, so long as I don't have to go through with it.
Bodd,
Let's play F***, Marry, Kill? You have Oprah, Rosanne and Whoopi. Please answer and explain why. Thanks.
First off, that's really gross. The idea of fornicating with any of those three ladies nauseates me (no offense to any of you if you read my blog), but I don't have a choice but to answer, so I'll do my best. Also, nice use of the question mark at an inappropriate location in order to make what would have otherwise been a statement into a question. I could just answer let's not, but that wouldn't be very nice of me so I'll give you the real deal. And I won't be using the word fuck because that makes what is already horrifying seem that much worse, at least to me.
Originally I was thinking Oprah to marry because she could be my suga-mama and I'd never have to worry about money a day in my life again, but then I realized they all have enough money to make me as happy as I could be being with a person I am the opposite of attracted to. This then switched my thought process to the least appealing part of the question, the sex part. Although I'd prefer to not do that with any of these ladies, Oprah is the only one that is mildly attractive. In her skinnier days it would be a no brainer, but even with a little extra cushion she has to be the choice for sex.
That leaves me with marrying and killing. I think the answer is quite obvious. I would kill myself before I married Roseanne and listened to that shrieking voice all day, and since I don't want to kill myself, I would kill her. That leaves Whoopi, who is after all the funniest and most entertaining of the group, to marry. What originally seemed like a very painful question turned out to be not that bad, so long as I don't have to go through with it.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Answer for odonnellMONSTER
odonnellMONSTER writes:
Valentines Day should be changed to Val Day. It would then be a double entendre: not only could we celebrate our love for our significant others but for the pre-eminent force of nature that is Val Kilmer.
I am going to tell you as I told J.R.: this is not the suggestions section, this is the Ask Todd section. The above statement is not a question, and as such I can not recognize it in the Ask Todd section. If you added on to the end of the statement, "So, Todd, what do you think of this idea?", I would have kindly answered that it was a stupid idea. A true fan of Val's such as myself believes that Val deserves his own day and should not have to share it with the day of lovers. And besides, in a true fans heart, every day is Val day, and that shall never change.
Again, this is the Ask Todd section, so please stick to questions.
Valentines Day should be changed to Val Day. It would then be a double entendre: not only could we celebrate our love for our significant others but for the pre-eminent force of nature that is Val Kilmer.
I am going to tell you as I told J.R.: this is not the suggestions section, this is the Ask Todd section. The above statement is not a question, and as such I can not recognize it in the Ask Todd section. If you added on to the end of the statement, "So, Todd, what do you think of this idea?", I would have kindly answered that it was a stupid idea. A true fan of Val's such as myself believes that Val deserves his own day and should not have to share it with the day of lovers. And besides, in a true fans heart, every day is Val day, and that shall never change.
Again, this is the Ask Todd section, so please stick to questions.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Answer for odonnellMONSTER
odonnellMONSTER writes:
What's harder for you: Not eating carbs? Or trying not to laugh at Dane Cook? Thoughts. Fears. Digressions.
This is a straight up question, and I like it. I'm gonna have to go with not eating carbs. I don't know if that part of the question is a shot at my days of complete health consciousness and as such my unwillingness to eat various types of carbohydrates, but these days I indulge in all sorts of carbs and so it is would be very hard for me to completely lay off. Trying not to laugh at Dane Cook is generally pretty easy because it does not take much effort. Most of the time he is not very funny, especially in any movie he has ever been in (yes Employee of the Month, that includes you). To be fair, he was dece funny in Waiting, but that's about it.
Despite the easiness of trying not to laugh at Dane Cook, I am much more fearful of being caught doing so. It would not be embarassing to be caught eating carbs because everyone does it and it's no big deal. However, in the wrong circle, to be caught laughing at Dane Cook, or worse, being caught trying not to laugh at Dane Cook, would be social suicide. That group would immediately know that you do not have a particularly good sense of humor. Although his stand-ups can be funny because of his outragious behavior, most of the time he is a straight up a fraud, and so to be caught laughing at him at the wrong time could be very costly.
I have no digressions.
What's harder for you: Not eating carbs? Or trying not to laugh at Dane Cook? Thoughts. Fears. Digressions.
This is a straight up question, and I like it. I'm gonna have to go with not eating carbs. I don't know if that part of the question is a shot at my days of complete health consciousness and as such my unwillingness to eat various types of carbohydrates, but these days I indulge in all sorts of carbs and so it is would be very hard for me to completely lay off. Trying not to laugh at Dane Cook is generally pretty easy because it does not take much effort. Most of the time he is not very funny, especially in any movie he has ever been in (yes Employee of the Month, that includes you). To be fair, he was dece funny in Waiting, but that's about it.
Despite the easiness of trying not to laugh at Dane Cook, I am much more fearful of being caught doing so. It would not be embarassing to be caught eating carbs because everyone does it and it's no big deal. However, in the wrong circle, to be caught laughing at Dane Cook, or worse, being caught trying not to laugh at Dane Cook, would be social suicide. That group would immediately know that you do not have a particularly good sense of humor. Although his stand-ups can be funny because of his outragious behavior, most of the time he is a straight up a fraud, and so to be caught laughing at him at the wrong time could be very costly.
I have no digressions.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Answer for Rob
Rob writes:
Todd, I lived with you for 2 years at Nova and your eating habits were interesting to say the least. Junior year you ate nothing but salmon, chicken and brown rice. Senior year you branched out to pasta, wawa subs and those lean cuisine things. Have your eating habits matured even more? Thanks man. Hope all is well.
I'll admit that I've had some rather strange eating habits in my life. My time spent as a fat youth played tricks with my mind and made me a bit of a health nut. Freshman through junior years of college were particulary bad. I do not look back fondly upon my days of canned salmon and protein shakes. Senior year my eating habits were strange more for convenience sake than for health sake. However, I am glad to say that those days are behind me. Now, I generally eat what I want, when I want, although convenience is still a major part of the equation (whatevers in the fridge). And since my appetite has become rather large for some reason, that when I want is quite frequently. I am currently eating a lot of scrambled egss with cheese. I also eat a lot of cold cuts, but mostly because they're in the house and I don't want them to go to waste, not so much because I enjoy them.
All is well, Rob, at least in the eating front, and I hope all is well with you too.
Todd, I lived with you for 2 years at Nova and your eating habits were interesting to say the least. Junior year you ate nothing but salmon, chicken and brown rice. Senior year you branched out to pasta, wawa subs and those lean cuisine things. Have your eating habits matured even more? Thanks man. Hope all is well.
I'll admit that I've had some rather strange eating habits in my life. My time spent as a fat youth played tricks with my mind and made me a bit of a health nut. Freshman through junior years of college were particulary bad. I do not look back fondly upon my days of canned salmon and protein shakes. Senior year my eating habits were strange more for convenience sake than for health sake. However, I am glad to say that those days are behind me. Now, I generally eat what I want, when I want, although convenience is still a major part of the equation (whatevers in the fridge). And since my appetite has become rather large for some reason, that when I want is quite frequently. I am currently eating a lot of scrambled egss with cheese. I also eat a lot of cold cuts, but mostly because they're in the house and I don't want them to go to waste, not so much because I enjoy them.
All is well, Rob, at least in the eating front, and I hope all is well with you too.
Answer for Professor Pitstains
Professor Pitstains writes:
Dear TTG (Todd The God),
What was it like going through puberty at age 8?
First off, the estimate of age 8 is a bit early. I ripened into a full grown man at around the age of 12, so let's try to keep our facts straight. Thanks.
As for my early puberty, it was quite unfortunate. Trying to shave in like sixth grade is not particularly fun. Luckily for me, I was never one of those gross kids who didn't want to face the fact that they had facial hair and let it grow out way longer than they should have. I nipped the bud as soon as I saw the first whiskers coming in, and I've been shaving nearly every day since.
One good thing about the early puberty was that I was a monster in seventh and eight grade. In basketball, I owned the boards, and on the playground I owned anything I wanted. The middle school was my oyster. Yes, I may have had acne way earlier than everyone else, and yes, I was not particularly attractive, but I sure as shit wasn't gonna get bullied anytime soon. The downside of that positive is that everyone thought I was going to be like 6'3" and my dreams of going to the NBA seemed like they may be possible with a lot of hard work, but that was until I stopped growing in eight grade and all those dreams went flashing by.
I can't really think of any other positives or negatives of hitting puberty so young. I don't know if it's because I blocked them out of my mind because of the awkwardness I continually felt, or because it wasn't all that bad, but either way that young puberty has made me the man I am today.
Dear TTG (Todd The God),
What was it like going through puberty at age 8?
First off, the estimate of age 8 is a bit early. I ripened into a full grown man at around the age of 12, so let's try to keep our facts straight. Thanks.
As for my early puberty, it was quite unfortunate. Trying to shave in like sixth grade is not particularly fun. Luckily for me, I was never one of those gross kids who didn't want to face the fact that they had facial hair and let it grow out way longer than they should have. I nipped the bud as soon as I saw the first whiskers coming in, and I've been shaving nearly every day since.
One good thing about the early puberty was that I was a monster in seventh and eight grade. In basketball, I owned the boards, and on the playground I owned anything I wanted. The middle school was my oyster. Yes, I may have had acne way earlier than everyone else, and yes, I was not particularly attractive, but I sure as shit wasn't gonna get bullied anytime soon. The downside of that positive is that everyone thought I was going to be like 6'3" and my dreams of going to the NBA seemed like they may be possible with a lot of hard work, but that was until I stopped growing in eight grade and all those dreams went flashing by.
I can't really think of any other positives or negatives of hitting puberty so young. I don't know if it's because I blocked them out of my mind because of the awkwardness I continually felt, or because it wasn't all that bad, but either way that young puberty has made me the man I am today.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Answer for oneofthebens
oneofthebens writes:
Wodds:
What is your take on bathroom reading? Pointless, beneficial, or just gross if it's second hand reading that was left behind?
For those of you unaware, Wodd is another name in addition to The Bod, Todder, Toad, and Toddington that I go by.
Personally, I find reading while on the toilet does a pretty good job of loosening the stools. It's relaxing, which allows for smoother flow. It also takes up time while on the toilet, so rather than just sitting their, twiddling your thumbs, you can become more educated on whatever subject you please. You could laugh, cry, smile, frown, be sad, be happy, be nervous, be excited and be scared all while on the toilet, and not because of what's coming out of your butt. I would imagine that reading while on the john does not do the trick for anyone, but I personally find it quite beneficial.
As far as second hand reading material goes, I would generally say try to avoid it, especially if the pages are all wavy as though it has been wet before. Also, if the pages stick together, immediately return that reading material to where you found it. If it seems clean and you're really desperate, go for it. Just make sure to wash your hands afterwards (and after all poop related toilet visits for that matter).
Note: Although I do not necessarily enjoy answering the more personal questions, nor the questions that cause me to be a bit more vulgar than I normally would be, I will never not answer an Ask Todd.
Wodds:
What is your take on bathroom reading? Pointless, beneficial, or just gross if it's second hand reading that was left behind?
For those of you unaware, Wodd is another name in addition to The Bod, Todder, Toad, and Toddington that I go by.
Personally, I find reading while on the toilet does a pretty good job of loosening the stools. It's relaxing, which allows for smoother flow. It also takes up time while on the toilet, so rather than just sitting their, twiddling your thumbs, you can become more educated on whatever subject you please. You could laugh, cry, smile, frown, be sad, be happy, be nervous, be excited and be scared all while on the toilet, and not because of what's coming out of your butt. I would imagine that reading while on the john does not do the trick for anyone, but I personally find it quite beneficial.
As far as second hand reading material goes, I would generally say try to avoid it, especially if the pages are all wavy as though it has been wet before. Also, if the pages stick together, immediately return that reading material to where you found it. If it seems clean and you're really desperate, go for it. Just make sure to wash your hands afterwards (and after all poop related toilet visits for that matter).
Note: Although I do not necessarily enjoy answering the more personal questions, nor the questions that cause me to be a bit more vulgar than I normally would be, I will never not answer an Ask Todd.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Answer for Anonymous
Anonymous writes:
Todd,
You are one of the hairiest human beings on the planet. Whether its your facial hair, chest hair or hair on your extremities you are second to none. Has there been an instance where your hairiness has benefited you in some way. Thanks man. Keep up the good work.
First of all, I do not think I am one of the hairiest human beings on the planet. Although I am indeed hairy, and I would be honored and disgusted to call myself one of the worlds hairiest, I just don't think I can. Check out the likes of this guy:
and this guy:
I do not compare to the likes of them, nor the many others like them. Second of all, although my "extremeties" are indeed hairy, I would appreciate it if you could find a more pleasant way to phrase it next time. Extremeties makes it sound like I have hairy growths all over my body (which I don't). And thirdly, if you are going to ask such a personal question, I would appreciate it if you did not hide your identity. Thank you.
As for your question, no, I don't believe my hair has ever been beneficial. I suppose if I was alone in the wilderness on a cold, windy night, it may keep me warmer than I would be otherwise, but that situation has yet to occur. I guess my beard growing abilities has benefited me because it makes me the man (and definitely a man), but it's also quite an annoyance to shave. Overall, my facial and body hair is nothing more than a nuisance and an indication that I am indeed a man.
Oh, and thanks for the words of encouragement. I will keep up the good work.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Shine On Me
One of my friends had the link to this video on his status on Facebook, and it was so good I had to share it with everyone else (everyone else being like the three people that consistently read this blog). I hightly doubt he reads this blog so I don't have to give him credit (if you do read this, why not Ask Todd something or leave a comment every once and a while?) Anywho, I don't know if any of you out there have seen this before, but this is one of the greatest music videos I have ever seen. I think it's shot entirely on green screen, and it's like Lord of the Rings meets The Princess Bride meets The Chronicles of Narnia meets the made for tv movie Merlin meets a really cheesy song sung by a Fabio wannabe. It's an instant classic as far as I'm concerned. Enjoy.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Atta Boy Val
(He looks like a beached whale.)In the best news to hit New Mexico since ever, it seems as though Val Kilmer is going to take a page out of the book of Governor Arnold and run for the governor seat in 2010. The former voice of KITT said, "I'm just looking for ways to be contributive. And if that ends up being where I can make a substantial contribution, then I'll run." Now that's the positive attitude I've come to know and love from Val. Kilmer has lived in New Mexico for some 20 years now (God knows why). Although he has yet to decide for certain whether or not to run, he is keeping his ear to the grindstone (I don't know what that means) and listening to the people of New Mexico to discover what it is that they want and need (more balloon festivals!).
I, for one, think that Val would make a great governor. He showed sneakiness and badassness in The Saint. He showed humor in that episode of Entourage where he was a pot dealer. He has a great voice as heard in Knight Rider. He showed great dance moves Top Secret! He showed he can hunt a lion in the Ghost in the Darkness. And he showed he has nipples in Batman Forever. These are all qualities I look for in my governor, and Val oozes all of them. With any luck for the state of New Mexico, he'll throw his hat (his hat from Tombstone that is) into the race, and ride home with the victory in 2010.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Bloodsport Part Deaux
It seems that Jean Claude Van Damme is going to try to use the bit of momentum he got from his movie JCVD to make a true sequel to his first film and the movie that put him on the map, Bloodsport. Although it is obviously a terrible idea, I'm pretty pumped because I love Bloodsport. It's right on up there with Kickboxer and Time Cop. Although the original Kickboxer has already had three sequels, Jean Claude was attached to none of them.According to Van Damme himself, he wants to do Kickboxer 2, "in a very mature way, where the guy from Bloodsport is a complete bum, maybe abusing his son." Sounds pretty uplifting if you ask me. Imagine being beaten by your father who's like this jacked martial-arts guy. That would suck real bad.
Although Van Damme is gung ho about the movie, it seems he is being met with some resistance by his studio. According to Van Damme, they told him, "No, no, no! You cannot make a movie in America where a father is abusing his son physically! It’s wrong." Yeah, that probably happened. Cause there has never been a movie made about an abusive father before, (see Radio Flyer, American Beauty, as proof. I actually couldn't think of any other good ones so maybe there aren't many after all.) I think the more likely situation is that the studio didn't want Van Damme to make a movie starring himself as an abusive father (No offense Jean Claude, I don't think you have that range.)
Note: The article I read this news from also stated that Van Damme turned down a role in Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables, making him the number one douche of all time. That movie is going to be fantastic, and it would have been that much better with Van Damme. Imagine Van Damme, Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundren, and Randy Couture all in the same movie? It blows my mind just to think about such a cast, and for that to have been so close to happening is unbearably painful. You broke my heart yet again Jean Claude.
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