Answer for anonymous (John Sacripanti)

Anonymous writes:

Yello?

I got a great question for you Todders ... If I have a 95% chance of hitting
my spots with the John-ball, am I an unstoppable force in Chinese Wiffleball?

First, for those of you who are unaware, Chinese Wiffleball is a brand of wiffleball played in my old house's driveway in the back. It involves hitting the ball at the house where different regions of the house are allocated different hits (bottom is single, middle is double, top is triple, roof is homerun (unless caught while rolling back down.)) There is absolutely no running involved. Why it is called Chinese Wiffleball I do not know, you would have to ask Russell Easton about that one (who will be discussed again later). Also for those who are unaware, the John-ball is a pitch thrown by John which is basically just a curve ball which goes from right to left. John has other pitches but they are rarely thrown, not only because they suck but because they never hit the strike zone.

Secondly, this is a strictly hypothetical question. It is hypothetical because a) I no longer live at the only location where Chinese Wiffleball can ever, and will ever be played, and b)the John-ball will never be thrown with a 95% chance of hitting spots. A more realistic number is 25%. With that being said, let's dive into the meat of this question.

If the John-ball were thrown with a 95% chance of hitting spots, John would indeed be a force to be reckoned with. Although the John-ball is not much more than a slow moving curveball, hitting spots at 95% is pretty damn good and would be difficult to contend with. Also, to give John credit, the last time we played wiffleball he was pretty viscous with the bat. John's hand-eye coordination has greatly improved. Couple that with 95% accuracy and he would be pretty darn difficult to beat. However, he would certainly not be an unstoppable force.

John would not be an unstoppable force because he would at some point have to play me. I have home field advantage and am a seasoned veteran of Chinese Wiffleball. I know the ins and outs of that driveway and the ins and outs of the backstop and I just turn up the heat when need be. Plus, I send out Mudge (my dog) to be a distraction when things get bad.

If at this point I was still losing I would just bring out my brother big Russ, more commonly referred to as Rusty. Through sheer annoyance directed towards John, Rusty would be throwing the wiffle ball in the mid-90's. Rusty has never lost a Chinese Wiffleball game which he really wanted to win, and this would be no different. Sorry John, but even with your 95% accuracy rate, Rusty would still bring you down. Good question though.

Keep it up with the questions friends. I am always happy to oblige and put forth my best answer possible.